DROWNING

Life's a Dance... so watch where you're stepping on

I'm not doing so well, currently. Both my brother, Jerrard and his gf (CJ, who is staying with us) are jobless, having quit their positions. Jerrard coz he just couldn't handle work (he's spoilt!) and CJ because the company wanted to cut her pay by RM300 just so that they can give higher remunerations to the company directors. RM300 is basically 20% of her current salary! Blame it on Eden. That food catering corp.

So.. grocery shopping, travel fares and car fuel now all falls on me. And the house bills. I spend A LOT on bills, especially since we have Broadband and Cable TV. Doesn't that suck?! I didn't ask to be landed with these two, in the first place. All I wanted was a place to call my own... not a home full of dependants.

Worse still, I'm getting more and more stressed with my job. The workload keeps getting worse, and the company is intending to increase the services profile... without expanding the work force! That means.. we get new clients, provide the same level of service to a wider and bigger scope... with the same amount of people currently working here. It's crazy! A little while, I'm required to test a new system that's to be launched by July 1st 2008... ten minutes later, I have to submit a proposal which is due by tha afternoon... and when it's 5.30pm, everyones goes home but I'm still at my desk finishing up yesterday's deadline.

But you know what's the WORST part??? I feel OBLIGED to stay with this job UNTIL everything is settled and running smoothly. I FEEL OBLIGED. It's like... "Jen will save the day!"..."Jen is the Team Leader. She must lead!" , or... "Sacrifice yourself for the sake of the better good!"

Isn't my happiness, the much "better good"??

I am VERY confused.I am so confused.. it's like having a split personality. I argue with myself. Not with my friends.. not with my brother. I don't even tell anyone.

And now, I rant it on my blog!